Let's play a mating game。

让我们来玩一个配对游戏吧。

Put 100 men and 100 women in a sealed room. On each person's forehead, write a random number from 1 to 10, and call that their 'attractiveness'。

把100个男人和100个女人关在一个封闭的房间里。在每个人的额头上，随机写下从1到10之间的一个数字，将这个数字作为他们的“魅力值”。

You're not able to see the number on your forehead, and no-one will tell you what it is either. The game is to pair up with the highest ranked person of the opposite sex that you can。

你看不见自己额头上的数字，别人也不会把这个数字告诉你。游戏规则就是：尽可能与排名最高(数字最大)的异性配对。

Ready? Go。

准备好了吗?开始吧!

Pretty much immediately, any nines and tens are surrounded by huge crowds vying for their attention。

不一会儿，所有额头上数字为九和十的人都都被人群包围了，人人都来争夺他们的注意。

If the crowds flock towards you, you know your score must be pretty damn good. If strangers flee as you approach – not so much。

如果人群都朝你蜂拥而来，那就说明你的魅力值很不错。如果人们在你靠近时都躲开，则说明你的魅力值不怎么高。

People will lower their expectations when rebuffed, and raise them when surrounded. If every single person you meet wants to pair with you, you'll probably never settle for less than a ten。当人遭到拒绝时，他们的期待值就会降低，而当他们被其他人包围时，期待值就会升高。如果你遇到的每个人都想和你配成一对儿，你大概再不会将魅力值低于十的人放在眼里了。

But for everyone else, you're forced to guess and gamble. And the clue to your attractiveness is how needy other people act around you。

但是除了这种人之外，其他人都不得不通过猜测和试探来了解自己的魅力值。猜测的线索就是其他人在你面前的反应。

Conversely, if someone is aloof with their affections, they probably think they can do better. They may also be wrong, but in both cases we're wired to interpret this as feedback on our own attractiveness. You’re trying to guess the number on your head, and their feedback is all you have。

相反的，如果有人因自己的魅力值而孤芳自赏，他们很可能会提高自己的配对要求。也许他们对自己的魅力值估计错误，但无论如何，我们都会把他们在自己面前的反应理解成是对我们自身的魅力值的反馈。你努力想猜出自己额头上的数字，而他们的反应是你仅有的线索。

You can't help being influenced by this, and it's one reason why 'playing it cool' is such an attractive trait, even if it's such an easily contrived one. Being needy essentially says 'you're so much better than me, please pick me'. Not a great sales pitch。

你不禁因他们的反应而受到影响，这就是为什么“耍酷”是一种吸引人的气质的原因之一，即使这种气质可能是基于错误的猜测。而表现的过于迫切实质上就是在说“你比我有魅力多了，拜托你选中我吧。”这种营销策略可不好。

Neediness is repulsive because we've evolved to recognise it as a bad signal. It's like a fear of spiders or scorpions: a primal instinct which protects our best interests, even if we don't understand why. If this strikes you as depressing and soulless, take heart。

表现的过于迫切会令人反感，因为在人类的进化史上，我们倾向于将其视为一种负面信号。这就像人类对蜘蛛和蝎子的恐惧一样，是一种人类保护自身最大利益的原始本能，尽管我们不明白个中缘由。如果这个事实让你深受打击、失魂落魄，就请鼓起勇气振作起来吧!

Real life has a few extra qualities that make it less of a one-dimensional meat market. For one: all numbers can change. But most of all: everyone sees a slightly different number when they look at each other。

真正的生活还有少数其它的特征，这些特征让人们在实际交往中从多维度做出判断。其一即是，所有人的魅力值都可能改变。最重要的是：当人们看向彼此的时候，每个人所看到的数字也会不同。