据报道，当伴侣双方都认为另一半有幽默感时，他们比起那些认为对方一点也不幽默的夫妇争执减少了67%。——德·克宁和维斯在2002年提出
Want your marriage to last more than 30 years? Just “being married” isn’t enough: you also need to be good friends。
想要婚姻长过30年?只是“结婚”并不够：你们也要成为好朋友。
In studies of people happily married more than three decades, the quality of friendship between the partners was the single most frequently cited factor in the relationships’ success. – Bachand and Caron 2001
研究发现，夫妇之间的深厚友谊被视为超过30年美满婚姻的唯一最常见因素。—巴尚和卡隆在2001年讲道。
4. Relate
4. 两人有共同点
Opposites do not attract. Couples that are similar do much better. Pairs that lasted longer than five years usually had a number of interests in common。
对立的两人不会互相吸引。相似的两人感情会更好。在一起长达五年以上的两个人通常有很多共同的兴趣。
In comparing couples who remained together more than five years with couples who split up, researchers found that the couples who stayed together were 64 percent more likely to be able to identify multiple shared interests. – Bachand and Caron 2001
研究人员发现，当比较在一起五年以上小两口和分手的情侣时，情感长久的伴侣们发现双方多个共同兴趣的可能性高64%。—巴尚和卡隆在2001年讲道
Having similar values offers a huge boost in the ability to communicate。
相似的价值观能够极大地促进交流。
The degree to which couples have similar values does not change over the course of their relationship. Those with similar values, however, are 22 percent more likely to rate their communication habits positively. – Acitelli, Kenny, and Weiner 2001
伴侣双方价值观的相似程度在相处过程中是不变的。然而，价值观相似的两个人有22%更高的可能性会正面评价他们的交流习惯。——阿塞特利，肯尼和韦纳在2001年讲道
Believe it or not, even having similar fighting styles was a good thing。
信不信由你——甚至有相似的争吵风格也是好事噢!
It was related to double digit drops in conflict and a double digit increase in satisfaction。
有较多相似之处的夫妇会让争吵降低两位数，让满意度增加两位数噢!
5. Review
5. 不断回顾和提升
Many people are probably reading this, identifying the good things they already do and feeling smug. Sorry, you can’t stop there. Relationships are not a “check the box and you’re done” kind of thing. You need to keep at it, monitoring and improving。
很多人在读这篇文章的时候，看到了他们已经做到的好的方面，可能正在飘飘然呢。不好意思，这些还不够!感情不是“给答题框打个勾就搞定”的事情。你需要保持下去，悉心经营，同时不断提升。
Plenty of research shows that conscientiousness is a great quality to have in a spouse or partner. Having a partner who is consistently reliable often means a healthy relationship with less conflict。
诸多研究发现，尽责是一个伴侣身上非常优秀的品质。有一个总是可以信任的伴侣意味着一个健康的情感关系和更少的争吵。
People who consider their partner conscientious, a person who consistently does what they say they are going to do, were 26 percent more likely to rate their relationship healthy and reported 41 percent less conflict in their relationship. Dependability was rated among the most desired qualities in a partner. – Watson, Hubbard, and Wiese 2000
认为伴侣可信且总是说到做到的人，有26%更高的可能性认为自己有着健康的情感关系，双方相处中的争吵也少了41%。——沃森，哈伯德和维泽在2000年提出
One More Thing
最后一点
Never forget that, in the end, all relationships are about feelings. Especially when fighting, we get caught up in the facts, the details, the words… And what’s funny is little of that ends up mattering。
永远别忘了，最终，所有的感情都和感觉有关。尤其在争吵时，我们深陷于事实，细节和话语之中…滑稽的是，最终这些都无关紧要。
When surveyed about their arguments, people mentioned feelings and tone ten times as much as the topic of debate. 25% of people couldn’t even remember what the argument was about — but they all remembered how it made them feel。
对伴侣间的争吵进行调研时，人们提到当时的感觉和语气比提及争论的话题多出10倍。25%的人甚至不记得当初为何争吵—但他们都记得当时自己的感觉。
As Maya Angelou once said: People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel。
如玛雅·安吉罗曾讲过的：人们会忘记你说过的话，会忘记你做过的事，却永远不会忘记你带给他们的感觉。
