"How much does a wife cost in your province?" This seemingly ridiculous question was part of the greeting for many people during the just concluded "Golden Week" National Day holiday. Incidentally, the National Day holiday is the peak season for weddings in China。

According to Chinese tradition, a groom usually pays a certain amount of money to the bride's family to fix a marriage. The practice is prevalent throughout the country. A recent Beijing News survey shows that 89.1 percent of the newly married couples abided by the tradition。

In most cases, the amount men (or their families) have to pay the women's families is too big for most to afford. According to media reports and micro-bloggers, the "price" of marrying varies from 60,000 yuan ($9,804) to 100,000 yuan in central and western regions; it could be more than 100,000 yuan in most coastal provinces. Compare this with the average annual salary of 46,769 yuan in public enterprises and 28,752 in private ones in China in 2012.

The endowment amount is even higher in certain developed regions. For example, in provinces like Guangdong, a would-be groom must gift a gold necklace, gold ring and gold bracelet apart from the endowment money to the would-be bride's family. In cities like Beijing and Shanghai, a man could also be expected to purchase an apartment before marriage, and even a tiny apartment costs more than 1 million yuan. Add to that the price of a car in some cases。

In some parts of eastern Shandong province, the endowment money is measured by weight. For instance, to marry a woman, one must pay her parents at least 1.5 kilograms of 100 yuan notes, which would add up to at least 131,000 yuan, according to some bankers。

Endowment may be part of Chinese tradition, but the standards have become so high in recent years that a majority of families are finding it difficult to meet them. Besides, many newly married couples are forced to host extravagant wedding ceremonies to keep up with the Joneses and, in the process, run up huge debts that could turn their married life sour, at least in the initial phase。

Rapidly rising living cost is the primary cause of rising endowment amounts. For most young people, marriage means setting up home independent of their parents, which has become increasingly difficult given the constantly rising prices of almost everything. Complicating young couples' problems is the deeply rooted tradition that a family needs its own home, which is becoming a mission impossible for many because of skyrocketing housing prices. No wonder, most newly (or to be) married couples turn to their parents for help。

The Beijing News survey shows that 75.7 percent of newly married women's families give the endowment amount, adding some from their own savings in many cases, to their daughters to help the new couple to fulfill their initial financial needs。

Many parents save every penny for their children's wedding, even though their own weddings were simple affairs with little involvement of money. And not surprisingly, their frugal wedding ceremonies didn't have any bearing on their married life。

In contrast, luxurious weddings are no insurance for a sound marriage. China's divorce rate has been rising for seven successive years. Worse, the percentage of divorced couples aged between 35 and 22 is increasing, and "lightning divorce", that is, within one year of marriage, is no longer rare。

Given the rapid rate of urbanization, more young people born in rural areas or small cities are living and getting married in big cities like Beijing and Shanghai, where wedding expenses have shot through the roof. The high endowment amounts often rob grooms' parents of their life's savings and causes family disputes. Just google "gift (endowment) money" and you will find all kinds of family disputes that it has caused。

When will the practice change? Nobody knows. Hopefully, with people's income rising and the gap between urban and rural areas narrowing, the burden will become bearable for more families。

By Zhang Zhouxiang ( China Daily)

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“在你的城市里娶一个妻子需要下多少聘礼?”这个看似荒唐的问题，在刚刚过去的十一黄金周里成为了许多人日常问候的一部分。而国庆假期正好是中国的结婚季。

根据中国的传统，通常新郎都需要给新娘家一笔钱作为聘礼来定下婚礼。这一习惯在整个中国都很普遍。北京最近的一个新闻调查显示，89.1%的新婚夫妇都遵守了这一传统习俗。

大多数情况下，很多男人(或者男方家庭)都难以承受需要支付给女方家庭的聘金。根据媒体报道和微博互动，在中部和西部地区，结婚的“价格”大致为6万元(约合9804美元)到10万元，在大多数沿海省份，有时会超过10万元。相比而言，2012年中国国有企业个人平均年收入约为46769元，私有企业个人平均年收入约为28752元。

而在某些发达地区结婚聘金甚至更高。举例来说，在广东省，准新郎在聘金之外还需要给女方家里送金项链、金戒指和金手镯;在北京和上海，男方需要在结婚前买一套房子，但是在这些地方，一间小小的公寓都要过百万元，有时甚至还要买一辆车。

在山东东部的一些地方，聘金是按钱的重量来给的。比如，男方至少需要给女方1.5公斤的百元大钞，根据一些银行的数据，这些钱至少是13.1万。

聘金是中国传统习俗的一部分，但是近几年来其标准不断上升，致使大多数家庭都很难达到。此外，许多新婚夫妇被迫举行奢侈的婚礼宴会，在这个过程中，大量债务的累积可能使他们的新婚生活变得辛酸，至少在最初阶段是这样。

快速上涨的生活费用是聘金增加的主要原因。对于大多数年轻人来说，结婚意味着与父母分开，独立组建家庭，然而物价的不断上涨使这一切都变得越来越困难。有一个自己的家是中国根深蒂固的传统，也导致了这些复杂的年轻夫妇的问题，而现在，飞涨的房价几乎已经使这成为一个不可能完成的任务了。也难怪，许多新婚或是已婚夫妇都转而向父母求助。

北京新闻调查显示，大约75.7%的新婚夫妇的女方父母会把聘金和一些自己的积蓄给他们的女儿以帮助这对新婚夫妇满足最初的经济需要。

许多父母为了他们孩子的婚礼节省每一分钱，尽管他们自己的婚礼都是简简单单的，并没有花费很多钱。毫无疑问，老一辈节俭的婚礼没有给他们的婚后生活带来任何负担。

相反，奢侈的婚礼并不会给健全的婚姻带来保障。事实上，中国离婚率已连续7年在上涨，更糟糕的是，年龄在35~22岁的夫妇在离婚比例中越来越多，并且“闪离”即结婚一年之内离婚的情况不再罕见。

高速城市化之下，更多出生在农村或小城市的年轻人选择到北京、上海那样的大城市生活、结婚，而这些地方的结婚费用高得惊人。高额的聘礼常常“抢劫”了新郎父母毕生的积蓄，甚至会引起家庭纠纷。只要百度一下“婚礼聘金”，你就会找到各种由礼金引发的家庭矛盾。

这样的习俗什么时候才会改变?没有人知道。希望随着人们的收入增加，城乡差距缩小，将有更多的家庭可以承受这样的负担。